the ink that lives beneath my skin
my 8th tattoo from Zach Stuka at Deluxe Tattoo is just about wrapping up the healing process so i thought its about time that i would put my tattoo wisdom to blog…
before the tattoo:
- get something a little bigger than you’re comfortable with. there is nothing worse than a puny tattoo. and let’s face it, you’re probably going to get bigger over time, fatty.
- let the artist do their own rendition of your idea. it will be better than anything you spend months scribbling and altering. as a matter of face, please give them creative freedom. they are artist after all (well, hopefully they are at the shop to patronize).
- do get a Japanese animation hamster. that ex girlfriend who likes the character will never leave you. ever.
- don’t focus on the price. this is a piece of art you will be wearing on your body for your lifetime. most shops charge by the hour not by the real estate.
- don’t be scared by the marketing of certain shops into thinking they are the only ones whose tattoos will not cause your arm to get infected and fall off. and if you need to get a prison tat just make sure the needle is burnt with a lighter before you get stuck.
after the tattoo:
- you are not 14 years old and you did not realize how much better Vaseline Intensive Care is than spit. do not over lubricate your tattoo. none for the first 2 days. baby needs to dry out.
- do not use Preparation H. WTF Jade Dragon. it’s bad enough that i technically have a giant wound on my arm but you make me to go Osco to buy hermoid cream for it’s after care? for shame. and your shop sucks.
- use dark sheets if you’re wrapping overnight. you body will leak all kinds of funky colors.
- be mentally prepared to have a bed full of skin flakes. add that to any blood or ink stains to make your bed look like a full blown murder scene! or performance art.
friday love + hate
LOVE: The Gaslight Anthem. it’s like New Jersey crapped out the finest Against Me! clone of all time.
HATE: whoever considers The Gaslight Anthem to be “punk blues.” please fall on a thousand knives. WE NEED LESS GENRES IN MUSIC, PEOPLE!
LOVE: Durkin’s Friday Happy Meals. $15 all you can drink 6p-10p. after being sober for 13 days why not hit the ground running (out of a moving car)? 1-2-3! SHOT SHOT SHOT! i am going to try my damnedest not to throw up at Sue Janna’s Vegas themed party afterwards, but i can’t guarantee anything. just for the record: my tattoo “keep going til you die” does not apply to drinking.
HATE: 5, count em, FIVE bags of fun sized candy appeared at work. my willpower will now be tested for the next couple of weeks. must hate body.
LOVE: back to school! i don’t think i’ve been this excited for classes ever. i think i’m finally old enough to appreciate college.
HATE: the Threadless retail store only stocks the last 2 weeks worth of tee’s. the one i wanted to pick up was reprinted 3 weeks ago. i also HATE that Threadless shirts now cost 18 god damned dollars. if i’m spending that much on a t-shirt it better be bedazzled.
your bid = my bed
so some women’s studies major is auctioning off her virginity (firsties!). this makes me VERY ANGRY! nope, no morale issues here. just very angry that i didn’t think of this first. i was really into eBay when i still had my virginity (some kind of correlation?) and should have made it happen. i am too late.
how about this: i will auction off a sexual experience with me that is on par with having sex with a virgin. obviously at a far discounted rate than what she’s going to end up getting. it’ll be so authentic! i can act all nervous, not please you in the slightest, and it will only take all of 40 seconds of your time. i might even cry a little afterward.
the bidding starts at 4 U.S. dollars.
my dieting philsophy
inspiration.
i’m still undecided about attending the faux high school reunion in 2 weeks. just incase we’re putting the diet/fitness program into overdrive. so i thought i would do the internet a service and share my dieting philosphy.
1. “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.” i know when i was told this there was a definite sense of sarcasm involved. i stripped it of that. it is now law.
2. buy a really rad article of clothing that is too small. such as this shirt.woot in size small. i need to earn being able to wear it.
3. ahh the invaluable wisdom of Dr. Cox. “the key to my exercise program is this one simple truth: i hate my body. do you understand the second you look in the mirror and like what you see, you’ve lost the battle.” Scrubs mirrors reality. people are really like that and that’s how hospitals actually operate. they wouldn’t put it on TV unless it was true.
4. food is fuel. it is not entertainment. at least during the week. weekends means chorizo is allowed inside me. during the week it’s all high protein, low fat.
5. suffer. complaining about the diet justifies doing it.
6. i’m quitting beer. until the next rock show or baseball game. which happens to be Wednesday. fuck.
lets also keep in mind that i have the body image issues of a 14 year old girl due to watching pro wrestling non-stop for 20 odd years.
you are no longer welcome here, sir
went to the Prairie Cartel / Hey Champ / Ruby Isle show at the Empty Bottle with the (most recent) ex this past Tuesday where i got absolutely destroyed. only-guy-on-the-dance-floor type of destroyed. that was a ball. but prior to blacking out my ex told me that i was not welcome at any of the Silent Sirens shows.
the ex is currently dating the bassist of said band and he is extremely uncomfortable with the fact that the ex and i are still really good friends. what a foreign concept! anyway. those of you who know me, and know my personality can probably tell that i am extremely giddy about this series of events. it’s fun to be threatening to wieners who are weaker minded than you. especially if they’re in a band.
the kicker is that i really sort of dig their music and would probably want attend their show anyways. instead i might ACTUALLY respect the ex’s wishes and not go see them live. or i’ll go in disguise.
start the startup
this weekend marks the second OFFICIAL meeting of my first this-is-really-gonna-make-it startup (being held over a case of beer and some very cheap pizza). i’m extremely stoked about the idea, which was inspired by Mr. Anthony Bourdain, so much so that i’ve had nightmares about it. multiple dreams where i’m cruising around the net (yes, i have dreams of surfing the web) and find someone who has already established a stake using my idea. i like to think i’m pretty savvy so my extensive research in competitors hasn’t yielded any results. but this is a fear i experience almost every single day whenever i hit up Mashable. the only way to defeat this beast? by launching a fucking website really soon. let’s roll.
must quickly penetrate the market. thrust ourselves into the spotlight.
the grind
it really fucking sucks when you realize you’re in a dead end job. one the bright side i suppose it’s good that i’ve realized it. i’m way too smart and talented and handsome to be doing something i don’t absolutely love. the 8 hours a day i spend at work is 8 hours i could be contributing to my legacy. and yes i do realize how dramatic a word “legacy” is. i need to suffer a little more but things are falling into place.
the battle plan is set. i’m gaining momentum.
future curry magnate?
we did it. well, almost?
this morning my family put in an offer for the little hole in the wall Thai restaurant we’ve been eying (and spying on) this past month. this is a HUGE FUCKING STEP LEAP for my family which is mainly comprised of pessimists when it comes to any hint of risk taking. my parents have had the opportunity to buy a few restaurants during their illustrious marriage but have never taken the chance. what’s worse than them not trying is hearing the jealously in their voice whenever we drive past these missed opporunities and they’re slinging satay and curry to hordes of white folk.
hold on because my culinary empire may begin taking form next month.